Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Separation Anxiety

The alarm goes off at 6 am and suddenly the moment I had dreaded for a month has fallen upon me. The previous 4 weeks were spent bonding with our newborn daughter and I had to go back to work. I quietly dress, wishing that Ava would wake up so I can pick her up and give her a kiss. Sadly, I just look at her, give her a kiss on her forehead, kiss my wife then I am out.

The moment I sneak into work everyone asks me about Ava and if my wife and baby are doing well. I thought about them every second of my drive to work and that wasn't going to change. After answering dozens of coworkers, I look at some pictures of Ava because I miss her so bad. The constant questions just make me miss them more. The day goes by so slow. All I want is to look into Ava's big curious eyes.

My wife sends me a picture of Ava on her mat playing with a panda bear. That is the first time she has played with a toy on her own. I am so happy too see her so alert and reaching out to grab the toy. But Man, I missed it. Then it hits me that I am going to miss a lot of first times.



When I get home the downstairs is all dark. I run upstairs to see my drained wife holding Ava in her arms. She tells me that Ava won't sleep or stop crying unless she holds her. I wash my hands but Mary Anne keeps holding her. When I finally hold her again, Ava looks at me and I just melt. I see my past and my future colliding when I look at her. She is just amazing and I don't think this feeling of separation anxiety is going to end.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Yep that first day back to work totally sucks. Don't worry though, all the firsts that you'll experience before Mary Anne will even out in the long run--Gregg

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